Author Guest Post: John David Anderson

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Today, the Book Monsters have John David Anderson stopping by to talk about supervillains! Check out Kristen’s review of Minion.

The Minion’s Guide to Choosing a Supervillain

So you’ve decided to become a minion. Congratulations. You are taking the first and most important step to becoming a full-fledged, rule-breaking, bank-robbing, world-dominating career criminal. What you need now is a mentor, someone who can guide you down the proper paths of villainy and do-badness.

First a disclaimer: When interviewing potential candidates, remember that you are a minion, not a henchmen or a toady or a nameless thug. Don’t choose a supervillain who is simply looking for superhero fist fodder or a human roadblock; they will not treat you right. Many supervillains today simply want warm bodies to throw into the fray when the capes come down. As a minion, you are an apprentice, a partner in the criminal enterprise. As such, you should be treated with respect. Any supervillain who can’t see that just isn’t worth your time.

So here’s what you should look for in a supervillain mentor:

  1. Unbridled ambition. You will only accomplish as much as your mentor. Choosing a supervillain who is only interested in hijacking cars, stealing candy bars, or getting revenge on her ex-boyfriend will not garner you the kind of long-term success that will build a resume. Nor will it teach you what you need to know to become a criminal mastermind yourself. You should settle for nothing less than world domination. Or at least the taking over of a small island, like Singapore. Don’t skimp on your dreams!
  2. Positive reinforcement. Unfortunately many supervillains today still believe in corporal punishment as the primary means of disciplining the hired help, often simply shooting, beating, or blowing up minions and other hired goons who fail to serve them properly. As a servant of evil you are bound to make mistakes. You shouldn’t forfeit your life just because you accidentally triggered the alarm that lead to your master being set on fire. Instead chose a supervillain who rewards your good deeds, say, by buying you your own rocket car or building you your own mini-volcano hideout. A good supervillain is not much different than a good parent—only more heavily armed.
  3. Good benefits. Minion work is dangerous. You will be punched, kicked, bitten, electrocuted, bound, blasted, baked, captured, shot at, blown up, and ridiculed mercilessly. Excellent health coverage, combing with adequate worker’s compensation and ample life-insurance are must-haves for anyone expected to work directly in the field.
  4. Potential for upward mobility. Some supervillains treat their help as mindless, faceless masses, essentially interchangeable. You are unique, however, and should be treated as such. Pick a mentor who is willing to nurture your special gifts and let you grow as an individual. For starters, ask if you can have your own costume, completely different from everyone else’s in the organization (and preferably with missile-launching gauntlets). If the answer is yes, it’s a good bet you’ve picked the right mastermind to follow.
  5. Access to resources. Taking over the world requires considerable capital. Make sure that your supervillain mastermind has ready access to the assets required to make a go of it. If mounds of cash are not available, the supervillain should at least have access to the requisite technology (satellites, death rays, giant robots, nuclear submarines). Also make sure that your workplace is equipped to meet your needs, including shark pits, ray shields, arena-size screens for watching cartoons, and a Jacuzzi (separate from the shark pit).
  6. A winning personality. More important than how your supervillain looks is how much you have in common with him or her. Choose a mentor who has similar taste in movies and weapons of mass destruction. Someone you could spend a lazy Sunday morning with and who feels the same way you do about spicy food and hiring ninjas. Pick someone who makes you want to be a more evil person.

Of course there are several more things you should look for in a criminal mastermind mentor, but this should get you started. And of course, once you’ve milked your master for all she’s worth, you can always bump her off and take her place as the head of the organization; she would have wanted it that way.

Good luck and happy minioning!

John David AndersonJohn David Anderson is the author of Minion, Sidekicked, and Standard Hero Behavior. He currently doesn’t own a shark. Or a Jacuzzi. You can check out more on his website www.johndavidanderson.org and follow him on Twitter and Facebook. He will not blow you up.

 

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Minion Blog Tour Schedule:

June 23 Maria’s Melange

June 24 The Library Fanatic

June 25 The Next Best Book

June 26 Jean Book Nerd

June 27 Book Egg

June 28 Word Spelunking Book Blog

June 30 Ms. Yingling Reads

July 1     The Book Monsters

July 2     The Book Monsters

July 3     Read Now, Sleep Later

July 6 The Haunting of Orchid Forsythia

July 7 The Haunting of Orchid Forsythia

July 8 Candace’s Book Blog

July 9 Middle Grade Mafioso

July10 Librarian’s Quest

July 11 Unleashing Readers

July 12 Mindjacked

July 14 This Kid Reviews Books

July 16 Charlotte’s Library

July 17 Literacy Toolbox

July 18 Small Review

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